while the "charm" of my old apartment was pretty enticing, lots of roach friends to keep u company at night, the discrete location for easy pick-ups and drop-offs (our downstairs neighbors), the random secret admirer who would leave me corn cobs and pizza crust, and to sweeten the deal even more, discovering the joys of cooking electricity free, i decided that it was time we part ways.

now instead of roach friends, i have houseplants. MANY HOUSEPLANTS. AND RATS. A FAMILY OF RATS.

Instead of easy access to what could quite possibly have been many, many, illegal narcotics, we have easy access to cornfields.

Instead of the mysterious stranger with a strange panache for gift giving, we have Cat, the resident, possibly homeless cat and known philanderer. Also, bringer of libations to his human consorts.








and finally, instead of my bohemian, eletricity and heating option lifestyle, i have working electric stove ranges and ventilation, although sometimes with fruit flies.

It is a bittersweet farewell, but i guess you can't win them all.

thank you planet earth, for giving me another sea dwelling create to be terrified of. As if the years of my captain ahab dad warning me of the perils of great whites wasn't enough (hey guys, lets watch shark week! or jaws! wanna watch jaws??! ...one day i'm gonna go on a shark dive, where they lower you down in shark infested waters in a metal cage armed with nothing but a pot lid to hit their snouts with if they get too close!! ) now there are these effing cannibal giant starfish that effing eat their own.

and it doesn't help that they look like the alien trespasser ghota in alien trespass (for more on alien trespass, see entry: tonoght wo done on holl)









ewww, the sharks and king crabs need to get on top of this business.
oh...they can be found from alaska to so cal.

HELLZ NO.

this is the poster for a siopao chain food eatery that gen took me to in chicago...

hot asian buns.






reminds me of UC irvine.

wtf is this picture?

the weather forecast is...ice will slowly/rapidly form and hang from trees?? thats the weather forecast???

tree ice and falling ice pellets. they should add misery to this forecast and use my face as the icon. FAIL.

omg omg people, i can haz watched 25 moovies at the palm springs international film festival the past 2 weeks. my head hurts.

WARNING THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!! TONOGHT WE DON ON HOLL!!!

Lion's Den (Argentina): The actress in this got an award at the festival. she plays a woman who may or may not have killed her lover and spends the next several years in a special section of jail for pregnant women.
Director: Pablo Trapero

Under The Bombs (Lebanon): they filmed this in Lebanon, while it was actually being bombed by Israel and some dude in the audience had the nerve to complain to the director about why he didnt show how much suffering was going on in Israel too. GTFO buddy, this isn't fox news!
Director: Philippe Aractingi

The Class (France): filmed like a doc, but its not. but it kinda is. It follows the daily life of a tough classroom, its students and the teacher, in paris.
Director: Laurent Cantet

Alien Trespass (USA): OMG, Will, from Will and Grace, plays Urp the alien, who crash lands from space to stop a giant eyeball creature from eating people. so retro. so bad, but so good.
Director: R.W. Goodwin

Cape No. 7 (Taiwan): basically, a live action anime, complete with romantic overtures that aren't really a part of the story, so its kinda weird...
Director: Wei Te-Sheng

* Skin (South Africa / UK): Sophie Okonedo was really good in this, playing a Black child raised by her biological parents who are white, during apartheid. and omg the dinosaur man from Jurassic Park is in it, and so is the borg queen from star trek TNG.
Director: Anthony Fabian

$5 a Day (USA): Christopher Walken gets laid by Sharon Stone!!! srrsly!! Walken scams his way through life, getting free stuff to survive. its like Walden, by Thoreau, BUT BETTER.
Director: Nigel Cole

Giving It Up (USA): Fabulous paparazzi dudes in LA! Is Paris Hilton shopping in hollywood, or is lindsay Lohan wearing real pants and not tights...got a hot tip? don't call TMZ, call JFX.
Director: Frank Ruy

Dunya and Desie (Netherlands): The Netherlands got it going on with their Romy and Michelle-esque interfaith bbf's, Muslim Dunya and non-religious Desie.
Director: Dana Nechustan

Blue Gold: World Water Wars (USA): H2o Doc with special appearance by Vandana Shiva. hippies and environmentalist friendly.
Director: Sam Bozzo

* Machan (Italy/Sri Lanka): 23 Sri Lankan guys stick it to the man by pretending to be the "Sri-Lankan National Handball Team," in order to get visas. After losing in their first 2 games of handball, which they don't know anything about, they disappear from their hotel before they can be deported. To this day, immigration authorities don't know the whereabouts any of the "handball team" members.
Director: Uberto Pasolini

Kanchivaram (India): Godddd. just...suffering. for 2 hrs.
Director: Priyadarchan

Mermaid (Russia): Ughhh...no. the girl...was so awkward, it made me secondhand embarrassed for her.
Director: Anna Melikyan

I Can't Think Straight (UK): Lesbians. Hot lesbians. Hot Muslim lesbians.
Director: Shamim Sarif

The Girl From Monaco (France): I was hoping this would be the "Priceless" of 2009. nope. The lightheartedness of this rom-com ends when the girl gets killed and the lawyer that falls for her confesses to her murder to cover for his bodyguard turned homie.
Director: Anne Fontaine

Last Chance Harvey (USA): predictable rom-com, but its got Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman (CAPTAIN HOOK!!).
Director: Joel Hopkins

Chef's Special (Spain): SOOOO CUTE, its a gay rom-com with FOOD! and hot hot soccer players. AND FOOOD!!
Director: Nacho Velilla

* Jerusalema: a guy from a township in South Africa goes to J-burg and begins to "repossess" dilapidated slum buildings from white slumlords, repair the buildings, and provide affordable housing to the Black tenants.It was good up until he saves this white girls brother, and she tells him that, "if you are rich, poverty can be glamorous." He then proceeds to date her. WHAT?
Director: Ralph Ziman

* Ocean (Cuba/Russia): i tried real hard to fall asleep in this one but i was too uncomfortable in the chair.
Director: Mikhail Kosyrev-Nesterov

Stone of Destiny (Canada): This was a great movie. A group of radical students from Glasgow steal the "stone of destiny" back from england, in an attempt to rejuvenate the Scottish home rule movement by making people take notice.
Director: Charles Martin Smith

Valentino: The Last Emperor (USA): je love love love!! i wanted to go buy m&ms to eat cuz i was hungry, but i didn't feel right eating in front of Valentino. He's so fabulous and cheeky, and according to the director, he wants an Oscar for his portrayal of himself in this doc.
Director: Matt Tyrnauer

Il Divo (Italy): fell asleep.
Director: Paolo Sorrentino

Sunshine Cleaning (USA): Amy Adams and Emily Blunt make this movie kinda worth watching. They play sisters that start a business cleaning up after crime scenes.
Director: Christine Jeffs

The Burning Plain (USA): This is a story about second chances. watch this if you like Charlize Theron. Watch it even more if you like Charlize Theron naked. But for real, its a good movie.
Director: Guillermo Arriaga

Tear This Heart Out (Mexico): great period costumes from 1930's mexico, but kinda predictable and boring. This movie just follows the life of a young woman who marries a General at age 15, until her husband dies when she is 30. At least he leaves her all his money and assets, which is considerable.
Director: Roberto Sneider

* denotes a movie which was filmed in a developing country or in an area with widespread poverty, featuring mostly people of color playing the impoverished "natives," directed by a white person from a different and industrialized country. WHAT DA??? don't get.

as if the it wasn't bad enough out here in corn land, now the rural mid-west has decided inflict its stupid, icy fury on mr. snuggles. Freezing the doors shut so u can't open them, devil ice/snow/rain that makes sheets of ice on the windshield...


what's a poor california gal to do?



ummm...wrong. fail, fail at life u miserable car icicles.

and the good word sayeth, thou shalt not lie like with like, but thou shalt let bunnies and kitties and chickens and goats roam free, all the better to consumeth them.

Country (n),(adj):
1.a territory distinguished by its people, geography, or political system
2.an area outside of cities and towns
3.any of the following: britney spears, anything checkered, pumpkins, the squash family, Curtis Orchard!!




curtis orchard is a total countried out little shop/ farm/ petting zoo/ church of kitty jeezus. It's kinda like Vegas with their flashy themed hotels and local character, except here, the little farm that could has festooned itself in all things Wizard of Oz. But i'm not sure i remember this guy...was he like, the blue, native american, warrior brother of the tin-man or something?





OK...so its nothing like Vegas. but this place was fun for me because it had cute and cheesy local products, chili dogs, and kitty jeezuses. also, it reminded me of the Shields Date Garden back home in Indio. At Shields, you can pose for pictures and pretend you are picking dates from palm tree's. Here, you can take a picture as a farm animal.




eeewww...i had no friends to be the cow, horse, sheep or goat.

ps. all those in the inner circle, expect your xmas presents to come from Curtis Orchard.

(click all images to embiggen)

while all of you smarmy california jerks are enjoying heat waves in november, we here in the cracker barrel of the u.s. are enjoying the "mild" fall weather, with highs reaching to the mid 30's. everywhere you look, its parkas and ugg(ly) boots galore, and boy do i love parkas!! kill me.




it didnt help that my tv exploded and short circuited the heating system in my small "everything runs on the same circuit breaker" apartment. Off to goodwill you go my most trusted and loyal of friends...what will i do without you?




In memoriam: tessa's daewoo tv/vcr combo and bff 4 lyfe.never was there a control panel so true, a csi companion so constant, as you.

well, on the bright side, it seems that my natural radiance and composure(see top model pic in previous post) has attracted an admirer...of sorts. my first clue that someone had taken a fancy to me was the corn cob left on my doorstep. the second clue was this bread crust left oh so precariously perched on top of my bicycle.






Finally, i would like to talk shit about the county of riverside, voter registration, who, thanks to their ability to move at glacial speeds with all deliberate haste, led to my disenfranchisement in this election. honestly tho, its not any individuals fault, its a structurally inefficient voter registration system that privileges some citizens (military) over others(phd students) and makes it as difficult as possible for people to get their vote by mail ballots and info. (ya'll coulda hustled a little bit tho...thats to you county of riverside) so, you may have won this round prop 8, but me and the revolution will be seeing our collective fists to you and your stomach soon enough.

mr snuggles is my truck. it is a good truck, and up until a month ago ago, it was a very underworked truck. But finally, after years of saving up his milage, mr snuggles made the trip of his destiny, cross country to the land of corn.

STATS
Designation: Road trip to tessa's personal hell, summer 2008
Drivers: tessa and xtina
Mascot: sam, bill, and harry

Route: palm springs, las vegas, grand canyon, moab utah, colorado, nebraska, iowa, cornfield illinois.
Time to Completion: 3 days
Casualties: sam, bill, and harry (beware of heinous cactus stealers in las vegas), tessa and xtinas dignity.




Las Vegas
vegas never disappoints.













i'll miss you, bright lights, city of my heart.
dignity scorecard: -3, +1(for the crab legs)

Grand Canyon
oh, first, allow me to mention the "routine security check" at the hoover dam when crossing into arizona, in which dozens of cars ahead of me passed right through, but i was forced to pull over and permit a search and defilement of mr. snuggles.






dignity scorecard: -1

in retaliation for our stolen dignity, we unleashed a reign of terror on the road.






let fly the PRAWNSSS!!!
dignity scorecard: +1

GRAND CANYON TIME!











americas next top model at the grand canyon







drinking from the waters of lake minnetonka.





we fed this fox a whole package of beef jerky. then a crowd of cars started swarming around us to get a look at him. then we got scared that we would get in trouble for feeding the wildlife so we cheesed it. then we got pulled over by park rangers and i swore they were gonna be like, "you two fit the description of two girls in a ford ranger who were feeding beef jerky to a fox," but actually they pulled us over for my swerving and expired registration tags. SCORE! then xtina took this pic of me handling some business in the giftshop restroom. i hate u xtina.




dignity scorecard: -3, +2

Utah




Colorado




Nebraska?




Heat rash?




Iowa?




dignity scorecard: -25

total dignity lost: -28

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